Why Is Everyone Going to Bhutan?

Why is everyone going to Bhutan? And why did my luggage get heavier after I emptied it? And where in the hell is my laptop?

I headed back to Denver yesterday. During my several-month stay in DC, I purchased a tee shirt and a tank top. That’s it. I also (intentionally) left several items in DC, including a few books and gifts.

Rather than deal with the rigmarole of checking bags, I shipped some clothes, bike equipment, and books back to Denver. (Two big boxes of books shipped for only $8–media mail is the only part of the USPS that rocks.) Then I packed the remaining items in my carry-on, jumped up and down on the carry-on, swore, prayed, and tried to beat the carry-on into submission.

Why was my carry-on so full and heavy? It contained only four items (approximate count). I’d shipped back 90% of the stuff I had brought with me. How did this happen?

After threatening the carry-on with luggagely harm, I finally zipped it shut, tossed it in my rental car, and drove to Reagan National Airport, leaving at 5:30 a.m. to beat the morning traffic. I completed the 10-minute drive in a mere 45 minutes, dropped off the car, repacked my carry-on (which had burst open during the ride), and dragged the bag through the terminal to security.

Following a friendly chat with the security agent, I was made to realize that, despite my exceptional strength, I would not be able to lift the bag into an overhead bin. At his suggestion, I returned to the terminal to check my bag. I set my laptop down on a metal grate, checked the carry-on, and went through security a second time (“Yo-you, it’s me again”). I proceeded to my gate, decided to check email, yelped, scared the shit out of everyone around me with the yelping, hightailed it back to security, tore through the terminal, and located my laptop where I’d left it on the metal grate. Yeah. It was still there. Thank God.

I then returned to security a third time.

Security Agent: You look familiar.

C: I get that a lot.

Security Agent: May I ask why you’re passing through security a third time?

C: It’s a long story involving one tee shirt, one tank top, and a future trip to Bhutan.

Security Agent: Aren’t you going to confuse readers by mentioning Bhutan here? You’ve mentioned the tee shirt and the tank top, but this is the first time you’ve brought up Bhutan.

C: Hello? That’s why I put “Bhutan” in the title. It’s sort of like a tip off. A heads up. “Reader, expect to see a reference to Bhutan somewhere in this blog entry.”

Security Agent: I get it. It’s like Chekhov’s gun.

C: Exactly. To be fair, I didn’t mention Nepal or Cambodia in the title, though I also want to go to those countries. That’s called forestalling confusion.

Security Agent: So are you going to explain the reference to Bhutan?

C: I’m sure I’ll get around to it eventually.