I’m suffering from email overload. I’m being bugged. Or spammed. Or botted. Something involving a serious math equation and an Apple wunderkind is going on.
For months now, I’ve had trouble sending and receiving emails. My site and email are hosted on a server shared with a bunch of spammers, and my email address is blocked by many firewalls. To complicate matters, your firewall may be blocking the sending of emails to me and the receipt of emails from me, and you’ll receive no notice to that effect. No bounce message. Big black hole. It took me months of investigation and hours on the phone with Bluehost to figure out what was happening. Now I’m in the process of getting a dedicated server.
Three days ago various people told me I had posted on their Facebook and Instagram pages or commented on posts, etc. The posts made no sense, which is why these people reached out. I had no idea what they were talking about. Instagram then sent me a message saying that my account may be compromised — leaving comments or sharing things that I hadn’t posted. Dandy. I changed my password. Problem … solved?
Two days ago I had only 20 emails in my inbox. I clean out that sucker daily. Yesterday I booted up my laptop only to find 40 emails. I hit the Get Mail button and 80 emails appeared. Then 160. Then 320. (While I like math as much as the next guy, I don’t really care to keep working this particular equation. You get the idea.)
So I called Bluehost. It turns out I’m not using email exclusively from my webmail server. Whatever that means. Bluehost told me to call Apple. I called Apple, and the Genius on the line informed me that I have no AppleCare plan. Would I like one? Yes! I’d like to pay with credit card number 123456789, security code 911, expiration date never. (Now that you have my digits, don’t be charging shit on my card, people.)
I asked if getting an AppleCare plan would fix my inbox and social media issues. Dunno, the Genius said. He suggested that I reboot my machine. So I did. Now I’m up to 2,000+ emails. Other suggestions: Call Bluehost again, run anti-virus software (done), change my passwords (done regularly using byzantine collections of letters, numbers, and characters), and revoke access to third-party apps.
In short, this is why I’m not going to reply to your email today, as I’m suffering from email overload. On an unrelated note, did you know you can stream Mad Men on Netflix? The Genius probably knows that, but then he knows everything. Except how to run an imaginary credit card, fix my problems with social media, and empty my 2,000-email inbox.