You haven’t lived until you’ve been thrown out of the Tattered Cover bookstore — for being a bad role model and destroying my own property.
Every two weeks a friend and I meet at Tattered Cover bookstore to review each other’s writing. We head to the second level, find a couple of comfy chairs, and chat. While there, my friend gives me old copies of The New Yorker. I rip out the stories and recycle the rest.
Until the other day.
Tattered Cover Employee: Stop! You’re not allowed to rip out magazine pages inside the store! You’re sending a very powerful message to our patrons!
C: You’re afraid people will think I’m defacing and destroying store material?
TCE: Worse than that. I’m afraid people are going to see you doing it and think it’s okay!
C: Wow.
TCE: Exactly. Now please put the magazine in your bag and rip it apart after you leave.
C: How do you know it’s my magazine? How do you know I didn’t take this coffee-stained, dog-earred 2008 New Yorker with the missing front cover off the magazine rack downstairs?
TCE: I can tell it’s yours. It’s obviously not our magazine.
C: Obviously. Now put it away in your bag, or I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
C: You’re kidding, right?
C’s friend [eyes closed as she sinks back into her comfy chair]: C, why can’t we ever have a peaceful little meeting like normal people?
The Tattered Cover’s Worst Nightmare: A Hypothetical Scenario
Patron 1: Is that blonde lady ripping pages from a magazine? Are we allowed to do that?
Patron 2: If that lady’s doing it, then it’s got to be okay.
Patron 3: I’ve always wanted to rip up magazines here.
Patron 1: I don’t even want to rip up a magazine, but I’m going to do it anyway. I can’t help myself. She’s sending a very powerful message to the patrons.
Patron 2: Screw magazines, I’m going to start ripping apart books.
Patron 3: True that. I’m going to tear up books that look stupid.
Patron 1: All books look stupid. It’s a miracle I’m wasting time in a bookstore.
Patron 2: I’m going to rip apart books that look awesome. I get the sense they want you to do that here.
Patron 1: I’m going downstairs to dump out coffee on the coffee shop counter then rip the limbs off of stuffed animals in the children’s section.
Patron 2: I’m going to steal a stuffed animal or two. They allow that here.
Patron 3: I wonder why anyone even bothers bringing money to this store.
Patron 1: Paying for things is stupid.
Patron 2: It is stupid. That blonde lady over there taught me that.
