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Reverse Osmosis Expert: More About My Confusing Profession

910 arts - reverse osmosis expert -

Seeking a reverse osmosis expert? I’m not your guy. If you’re looking for reverse osmosis marketing, you should explain to me what exactly that is.

Last week I received an email from a networking acquaintance asking if I could help out with technology-related proposal work. Sure thing. I’ve worked with hundreds of tech companies over the years, and I’ve done quite a bit of tech proposal management and writing. And new client work is fabulous. Rock on!

For the record, I’ve met the networking acquaintance on numerous occasions. We’ve discussed his work and mine. He has my business card, and he has hit up my company’s website.

So the acquaintance forwards my contact info to his business partner, and the partner calls me.

Partner: I tried to call you at your other number. What is it, an art gallery or something?

C: Yep. Untitled Studio at 910 Arts. I work out of that space. I currently have three narratives on display.

Partner: Narratives? You mean things you’ve written?

C: Yes.

Partner: That’s great! I do a lot of writing as well. How long have you been writing?

C: Forever. Since the beginning of time.

Partner: Of course. I mean how long have you been moonlighting as a writer?

C: I don’t understand your question.

Partner: I don’t understand your statement.

C: Color me confused. Which, for the record, I envision as something in the family of rosacea.

Partner: Rosacea is a form of pustular acne, not a color.

C: That sounds exactly as terrible as I thought it would. I stick with my color choice.

Partner: Look, I’m a little perplexed because you seem to have lots of jobs and hobbies. You’re a scientist, you’re working at a gallery, you’re writing, …

C: Whoa. I’m not a scientist. Though I just so happen to be in possession of loads of sciency facts that no one else seems to know about, and my friends are all, “that’s not true and you made that up and that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and for God’s sake stop talking.”

Partner: I’m not following you. We’re looking to contract with you as a large-scale reverse osmosis expert for the proposal we’re submitting in six weeks.

Partner: I’m feeling very rosacea.

C: Backatcha.

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