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My Hypothetical Press Secretary Job


People often are simultaneously confused and impressed by what I’m saying. That’s why I’m going to do so well at my hypothetical press secretary job.

Press secretaries are awesome. I know because I’ve been rewatching all seven seasons of The West Wing, where C. J. Cregg blossoms from a naive press secretary to the chief of staff. (Spoiler alert in case you’re 16 years behind on your television watching.)

Yes, I’m aware spoiler alerts should precede the spoiler. If you haven’t watched The West Wing yet, the chances are good that this convoluted blog post isn’t going to make you want to return to the idyllic days when Jed Bartlet was our commander in chief.

And, yes, I’m aware that Jed Bartlet was never really our commander in chief. Matt Santos was our commander chief. Now, can we get on with this already?

Thank you.

As I was saying, C. J. Cregg is awesome, and she has a fab relationship with the press, especially Danny Concannon, her future husband (post-spoiler alert). Plus she has an energetic, orthographically challenged assistant and geeksmart coworkers who all know what “orthographically” means. Not only does she kick asses and take names, but she also puts her personal life on hold for civic-minded work that matters. For my part, I often feel as if I’ve put my personal life on hold to attend hours of Zoom meetings, rewrite my novel 942 times, and play nonstop email catchup. We have a lot in common, C. J. Cregg and me.

I realize that there’s a good chance that you’re not following what I’m saying. That’s exactly why I would hypothetically do a great job at my hypothetical press secretary job. That, and I get straight to the point and am rarely repetitive.

On a final note, hypothetical future employment truly is the best kind of employment. I know because I was hypothetically the Pulitzer Prize-winning ambassador to France prior to the press secretary gig.


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