“Can I help you with anything else” is a ridiculous phrase. You have to first help with something before you can help with something else.
When I graduated college, I had $30K in college loans, a $14K car loan, a full-time job that paid $14/hour, and a part-time job that paid $7/hour. I also had two credit cards.
Since December 8, however, I have been without credit. I’ve been told I’m currently not eligible for credit. I can speculate as to the reasons why, but the lending institutions won’t confirm or deny what I believe to be true. Or answer any of my questions for that matter. To be fair, the agents I’ve talked to have all been friendly, and they are very sorry for any inconvenience.
C: So you won’t tell me why I’m no longer eligible to have a credit card?
Agent: No, I can’t. I’m sorry for any inconvenience. Can I help you with anything else?
C: Yes, you can help me with this.
Agent: I don’t understand.
C: Your lack of understanding is very inconvenient.
Agent: Well, then, I do apologize. Also, I still don’t understand.
C: See, the word “else” suggests “in addition.” As in “what other thing can I do to help you.” You haven’t done anything at all for me, so it’s impossible for you to do anything else.
Agent: What would you like me to do?
C: I’d like you to do something, after which time you can offer to do something else.
[dead silence]
Agent: So is there anything else I can help you with then?
Over the past 12 days, I’ve learned a bit about living without credit. Did you know, for example, that you can pay for Amazon.com gifts by linking Amazon to your checking account? The process is exactly as convoluted as you might think. I’m also about to book a spring flight to DC, and United seems to want to seal that deal, credit card style. Luckily I can use a friend’s card then write that friend a check to cover the amount.
Now all I need are checks, which should arrive any day now. And, no, I don’t currently have checks. You know why? Because who the hell is still writing checks that’s why. Next thing you know, someone’s going to want me to send them a fax.
C: Hi, dear agent. It’s me again. Just checking in. Seeing what you’re up to, how things are going, etc.
Agent: This is your third phone call today. As you know, this is a very busy season for us.
C: I apologize for any inconvenience. Can I do anything else to help?
