Why Aren’t You Taking My Advice?
Tags: acrostics, Cheryl Strayed, Dear Sugar, the Rumpus, Tiny Beautiful Things, Wild
Why aren’t you taking my advice?
Don’t be all, um, you never offered me any advice and anyway I don’t need any right now and if for some reason I did need advice why would I turn to you? That’s just silly. You see that, right?
So I’ll ask you again: Why aren’t you taking my advice? I’m chock full of useful information.
Carolyn: Cheryl Strayed, you’re super busy these days, what with your book tours for Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things and your pool parties with Oprah and your backlog of unanswered emails from me. Let me take over your Dear Sugar column.
Cheryl: No.
Carolyn: Don’t worry — I’ll probably give it back. Eventually.
Cheryl: No.
Carolyn: Is that “no” as in “I’m mulling it over,” or “no” as in “maybe but not yet”?
[crickets]
Carolyn: Cheryl?
Since Cheryl hasn’t yet decided if she’ll let me be Dear Sugar, I’ll have to set up my own gig.
Which is another way of saying you should send your questions to daughteire@gmail.com. I’ll respect your privacy and keep your identity under wraps. No locker room talk here. Also, I need to give my new column a name. See? That’s me steering the conversation away from you in order to respect your privacy. If that didn’t instill confidence in you, I don’t know what will.
I’m also going to create an acrostic and post it on the site.
What’s an acrostic? It’s a puzzle where the first letter of each word in a set of crossword clues spells out a quote. It should take me only 4 months of full-time effort to design my own puzzle. Those ship in a bottle folks are whack, but this? This is a hobby that reinforces my commitment to staying hip and relevant. On a related note, feel free to ask my advice regarding surefire ways to up your own hipness and relevancy ante (see ”chock full of useful information” above).
