Where’s the Pony Express When You Need It?
I mailed 2 boxes Parcel Post from Washington, DC, on April 11, and one was resent to me last week (thanks, Anne!) and a second showed up at my local USPS yesterday after a mere 77 days in transit. Where has the package been for the past 2.5 months? The USPS has no idea.
USPS: Ma’am, you should have purchased delivery tracking and delivery confirmation and insurance. And upgraded to Priority.
Carolyn: Stop calling me ma’am.
USPS: Ma’am, I’m trying to explain that you could have rectified this problem in advance.
Carolyn: Is that anything like a preemptive military strike?
USPS: Ma’am?
Carolyn: See, the problem is that if I’d shipped this box Priority with delivery tracking and confirmation and insurance I’d have had to take out a second home loan to cover the cost.
USPS: Ma’am, it’s not clear why you’re talking about military strikes and home loans.
Carolyn: The box contains two pairs of Levi’s, hiking boots, a backpack I’ve always hated, and 14 black tank tops. You’re saying that the benefit of shipping Priority with all the bells and whistles is that I’d know where the the box has been for the past 77 days? I’d essentially take out a second mortgage to fund my ability to track the box’s 2.5-month journey around the US?
USPS: I’m trying to explain that the location of the package for the past 77 days cannot be determined. As I already told you, it’s not clear where the package has been.
Carolyn: Do you think the box was hand-carried? It could easily take 77 days to walk from DC to Colorado.
USPS: Ma’am?
Carolyn: Though it is a pretty big box. It might have taken two people to carry it. Maybe that’s where the home loan would come in? I mean, paying two people to physically carry a box across the country could get a little spendy. There’s also food and lodging to consider. Although it’s a nice outside this time of year. Maybe they slept under the stars?
USPS: Ma’am, it’s not clear what you’re trying to say.
Carolyn: When you think about it, there’s an incredible absence of clarity all the way around.
USPS: Yes, ma’am.
Carolyn: Stop calling me ma’am.
USPS: Ma’am, is there anything else I can help you with today?
Carolyn: It’s not clear if you’ve helped me with anything thus far, which severely limits your ability to help me with anything else.
USPS: You’re welcome, ma’am. Have a nice day.
Carolyn: Actually, I’m still missing another shipment. A box of books I sent from DC 77 days ago. I shipped it by Media Mail, so I’m guessing you didn’t put your best cross-country walkers on the job? Assuming the walkers are infirm or just plain pokey, how many more days do you think it’ll take the box to get to Colorado?
USPS: Can I help the next customer?
