Clay Loft Chronicles (part 2)
A car alarm is going off right now. It’s 8:10 a.m., and that thing’s been sounding for a good three minutes. My neighborhood is full of alarmed cars. It’s 2012, people. Gah.
Last night around 2 a.m., a car alarm went off in the parking lot below. For 15 enjoyable minutes. Just so’s you know, when a car alarm passes the 10-minute mark, the beeping speeds up, something akin to a frenetic Bee Gees backbeat. By the 10-minute mark, even the car alarm is like, “Sweet baby Jesus, it’s 2012—why is this happening? Will someone shut me off please?”
Well, 15 minutes into Night Fever someone called Angela began squealing in the parking lot.
Angela: Oh my God, my car, why is the alarm going off?!?!
Angela’s Friend: I don’t know. Turn it off, Angela.
Angela: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, …!
Angela’s Friend: Turn it off, Angela.
Angela: What if somebody was trying to steal it? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, …!
C [yelling from up above]: I’m going to steal it if you don’t shut that thing off.
Angela: Oh my God, someone’s yelling at me!
Guy #1 [yelling from another condo]: I’m going to watch her steal it and tell the police I didn’t see a thing if you don’t shut it off.
Guy #2 [yelling from another condo]: I’m going to make it my personal goal to rob you myself if you don’t shut it off.
Angela: I don’t know what to do!
Everybody on the planet: Shut that damn thing off!
Angela: I can’t find my keys! Maybe they were stolen!
C: That makes sense. That’s probably what happened.
Guy #2: I am so going to rob you tomorrow, Angela.
Angela’s Friend: Look through your purse.
Angela: I am looking through my purse, but it’s hard with everybody yelling at me!
Everybody on the planet: Shut that damn thing off!
[Angela finally locates her car keys and shuts off the car alarm.]
Angela: Why is everyone being so mean to me? I should be the one who’s upset! I’m the one whose car was almost stolen! It’s not my fault I drive a Lexus!
Yet another case of accidental Lexus ownership. It’s sort of tragic when you think about it.
Loretta said:
May 25, 12 at 9:36 amCarolyn,
I enjoyed this one, and several other of the posts in the “Day in the Life” category.
I was, alas, reminded of the time that I was the unwitting “Angela” in this story (wince!). In my case, I had rented a car and had no idea it had an alarm (there was nothing on the remote, they didn’t mention it to me, and I never turned anything on or off other than the ignition). In the middle of the night, it went off right outside the window of where I was staying (friend’s apartment in the DU neighborhood). I can sleep through anything, so I wasn’t awakened, but my friend was, and the morning, she said, “Oh my god! Did you hear that horrible car alarm that was going off all night?” I said I hadn’t and shortly thereafter when out to the car. It had maybe three nasty notes from neighbors stuck to it, and a card from the Denver Police explaining the brilliant thing which apparently they can do: they got into the car (must have used a slim jim), opened the hood, and removed the appropriate fuse. So…I’m just saying…next time this happens, maybe you could ask the police to do the same thing? I wouldn’t recommend doing it yourself, since you might be accused of trying to steal the car.
Carolyn said:
Jun 01, 12 at 8:01 amGreat story! It’s hysterical that the police removed a fuse from the car. You’d think the alarms would have be time delimited–why on earth they go on for hours is beyond me.
I still sort of want to steal Angela’s car …